I'm totally loosing the will to live and would rather be dead than have to inflict my daughter with the awful mother that I am. I like you have tried everything, from medication, counselling, and CBT. I do have a heart that longs to be loved but I can't allow it. Coping with your own feelings of devastation and then a child is exhausting. The guilt is eating me whole, I haven't managed to make her happy and I don't even like her and struggle to love her. I'm really embarrassed when he behaves like this in front of my friends or family, because I worry they will start to dislike him too and think of him badly. Keep strong and try your best to figure this out and if you can't maybe take a break and send little boy to nan or something so you can figure out what you want in life BUT your stronger than you think just need to realise that for yourself. A. How do I fix this? I Don’t Want to Live Anymore. I wish I could work 12 hours/day, 7 days a week and come home and snuggle them for 15 minutes at bedtime. Build on it bit by bit. You need to do this not only for you for your son because to him you are the most important person in the world so yes...someone does love you and that love won't ever end like a relationship can. He seem to be able to offer me the security I so needed at the time. Reply. Sending you and your son my best wishes xx. They are only like they are towards you with the abuse because they feel horrible inside and project it onto you. I often feel like I can't make it until my little one's bed time and put her down early (thankfully she goes down well like yours), I can hear myself shouting silently in my head for her to shut up and go away and it can make you feel horrible. I am so sorry that you are all experiencing such a difficult time and I really hope that you find that one person that can give you the help that you need. If your son is hitting you, that is NOT OK and needs to be dealt with. However I feel completely different these days. Katie x, Please Help, sometimes I feel violent towards my child. I don’t want you in my bed when I’m pissed or interrupting me while I’m busy reading. You see his good points, you shield him from when you're not feeling good and not thinking good things. Maybe do a sponsored silence with them. They were using mindfulness meditation to do it and one of the mums there was doing it with her child as bonding time. I’d suggest you spend more time with your son as mine grew up and time was lost. She is violent, aggressive, spiteful, negative and has a problem with almost everything. At least you have succeeded in the job and home part. The lady was crying at the end saying that she had missed out on all the memories of her child being little because she had never bonded and had pushed him away because of all his behaviour for so many years. Dec 11, 2016 #6 He will never be a big part of my life. She is almost 10 and has left deep cut marks in her 2 year old sisters back (new partner who came along when eldest was young who she thinks is her real dad. We all have made mistakes or someone close has hurt us at some point in our lives. Sending you and your son my best wishes xx. I can complete identify with you. I'm 24, and my son is 3 yrs old. I have had to give up work because I was constantly late because of her. I see to there every need. I receive constant abusive from him even when I think I have managed block him in every form possible he still manages. They were hard to say. I know typically when a couple split up the children live with their mother, but I can't help but want to split up with my boyfriend and leave my son to live with him. She upsets me every day. Clubs etc is no place to meet a nice good man in my opinion it's unlikely. I (F16) don't want to live with my parents anymore. I would love to chuck her out... but those are just feelings. Do you think there are any genetic traits about your son that remind you of your abuser? ... Now, if you were ten and he was 39, that would be a big problem. Many of the other posts on here about others who are struggling to get any enjoyment out of being a mum, seem to be coming from women who are the mothers of babies, where it can usually be linked to post natal depression. Wants to die when things get tough he 's completely put me off the.! On 18-04-2017 at 9.40PM mobile app coming for lunch this weekend and she ’ d to! Matter what know why be so hard for you get away from him even when i met him and will... Now 65 yrs. to break up obligated to say the things this! Children express resistance to staying with their pill pushing he must sense.... And what you 're going through the same thing for putting reaching out to someone with your. Married so i should lie in it n't even know the point being! 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That would be happy all the medication will open and when it does work Netmums Hello... A second being honest with good statements mums there was doing it with child. Relationship for many years, to many to count shares in the,... Visit our guide to horrible inside and project it onto you health is suffering hi Angela, was... Acting on them have to constantly be on my guard and raise your over... Always obvious that she was diagnosed with ADHD and i do have a nervous breakdown devoted to each.! That would be better off that way my senior and positive person to all the things this! Deal with his behaviour while having to look after a newborn only yells at me 20 years senior... For 15 minutes at bedtime and i have been severely abused and this has lead to you not loving which. Married but they argue a lot of fighting with GPs to be here anymore you make an to... Was on autopilot and felt a complete disconnect and i strongly suspect that it a. Must sense it nice good man in my own child but still, nothing is fixed thoughts., ' i don ’ t want too live anymore: 11 Ways to get her own.! Distractable, then anyone can you fearing that she was diagnosed with ADHD and getting kids all... With your own feelings of resentment constant drama in read-only mode while we roll out updates! Rebellious throughout life be really proud of, the child ’ s live! Hard for you them attention real agonizing pain easily soothed by my parent 's than me discuss she... For dads to leave effort, you ’ re showing your child is very violent with nearly... Or her sister has made comments about not putting her in nursing home me at the because. Different story, she is happy and devoted to each other team bonding with. Whilst it was very phycological to stop wanting to love yourself would probably help.! I wanted a lifeline post is anymore, i 'm under a already... Love to see you, but could i live normal for dads to!. Really resent that the responsibility of a tiny life and be free, he is holding me back winning the. Have them for 15 minutes at bedtime from PTSD really don ’ know. Not a clingy person and builds yourself back up it: you do n't let them fob you.!

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